"A TALE OF FIGGY PUDDING"

Lakeside School Winter Holiday Play, 1999
written by Brenda Laurel and Anna Rainville
directed by Brenda Laurel
 
 
 
 

SCENE ONE
 

MISTRESS HEARTH

Good evening, my friends, and welcome to this hall -

Kind womenfolk and gentlemen, we warmly welcome all.
 
 

MISTRESS RIMER

Lend an ear my dear friends; we'll sing with all our might!

We're glad you've braved those mountain roads to join us 
on this night.
 

 [All school sings"Masters in this Hall."]
 
 

MISTRESS HEARTH

You're all invited to a feast at the manor by the shining lake's side -

The Lord and Lady are expecting you, my friends -  step inside.
 
 

MISTRESS RIMER

Musicians, tune your pipes, your trumpets, and your viols!

Give us a song; fill this hall; let it sound for miles!
 

  [Mistress Hearth and Mistress Rimer exit.]

 [The school orchestra plays for the guests.]
 
 


SCENE TWO:  THE GREAT HALL
 

LORD OF THE MANOR

Thank you, musicians, well blown, well bowed, well played!

We're grateful for your talents, we'll see that you're well paid!
 

 [HERALD 2 enters with the menu scroll and unrolls it; the Lady 
glances at it.]
 
 

LADY OF THE MANOR

My Lord, the menu for our feast is set, a truly luscious array;

Our taste buds will revel in the culinary delights our talented cooks will display.
 

[The LORD looks over the menu, nods, then HERALD 2 re-rolls it 
and exits.]
 
 

LORD OF THE MANOR

My dear Lady, there is one dish - it fills my heart with zeal:

The figgy pudding, crowning glory of our winter meal.

I've dreamt of the pudding for many months long -

The aroma, the taste - pray that nothing goes wrong!
 
 

LADY OF THE MANOR

Now, now, my Lord, you'll have your pudding; for 
Heaven's sake don't swoon!

But come, we must get ready now, for our guests are coming 
soon.
 
 

SCENE THREE:  THE KITCHEN

[The scene changes to the kitchen, where the COOKS are 
examining the menu scroll.]
 
 

HEAD COOK

Oh no, I was afraid of this, we have to make a pudding!

Warm and sticky, fat and sweet, a royal figgy pudding!
 
 

COOK 1

They've dreamed about the lovely figgy pudding all year long.

We'll have to look for other jobs if anything goes wrong.
 
 

COOK 2

Oh, do we have the spices?  Cloves and cinnamon, what else?

Salt and flour and brown sugar?  Twenty eggs, without their shells?
 
 

COOK 1

And figs!  Oh figgy FIGS!  Now who's got figs this time of year?
 
 

HEAD COOK

Please don't panic, and don't argue, if you don't want them to hear!

 [The COOKS freeze in mid-scurry as the FAERIES enter.]
 
 

HEAD FAERIE

Now here's a chance for mischief and a few good laughs as well.
We'll give you figs, some magic figs, with a little faerie spell.

[The FAERIE DANCERS begin to make the magic PUDDING. 
When the dance is complete the older FAERIES cast their spell.]


 
 

FAERIE 1

Whoever smells this Pudding will want a taste so badly

They'll do anything to get it!  They'll rush around quite madly!
 
 

FAERIE 2

Whoever sees this Pudding will try with all their might

To possess it and to eat it, every bit, this very night!

[The FAERIES complete the PUDDING, which comes to life on 
the kitchen table.]
 
 

HEAD FAERIE

You wanted figgy pudding ? now you have a magic one!
 
 

FAERIE 1

There'll be sticky, figgy mischief!
 
 

FAERIE 2

Now let's hide and watch the fun!

[The FAERIES scurry away.  The COOKS un-freeze but are clearly in a daze.]
 
 

HEAD COOK

Oh look, we've made a Pudding.  See, it turned out rather fine!
 
 

COOK 1

Mmmm, I wish that I could have a bite ? This Pudding smells divine!
 
 

COOK 2

Yes, just a taste -
 
 

HEAD COOK

          -a crumb -
 
 

COOK 1

                     - a pinch -
 
 

COOK 2

                                        - they'll never know it's gone!
 
 

HEAD COOK

Well, why don't we just eat it up and make another one?

 [The COOKS pounce; the PUDDING leaps off the table in terror 
and the COOKS chase it around the table until it escapes off stage. 
The COOKS stop, then shake their heads, not quite remembering 
what just happened.]
 
 

HEAD COOK

Did you say something?  Did you speak?
 
 

COOK 1

No, not a word.
 
 

COOK 2

Nor I.
 
 

HEAD COOK

Then back to work.

[running her finger down the menu]

Where were we?

Oh that's right, the humble pie . . .

[The scene changes back to the Great Hall, where the PUDDING 
has hidden under a covered dish]
 
 

SCENE FOUR:  THE GREAT HALL
 

HERALD 2

I hear the children from the village, they're bringing garlands all -
Holly and ivy, evergreen branches to decorate our Hall.

[The first grade sings "Deck the Halls"]
[All school sings "The Holly and the Ivy"]
 
 

LORD OF THE MANOR

How lovely is our Hall, all decked with joy and cheer!
Our guests are arriving now - we'll make them welcome 
here.
 
 

LADY OF THE MANOR

From the eastern lands our friends have come this night;
They'll share with us a song they sing to celebrate the light.

[The Kindergarten sings "O Hanukkah."]
 
 

HERALD 1

Our neighboring royalty approaches from lands adjoining 
ours.
 
 

HERALD 2

The Duke and Duchess of St. Joseph's town have traveled many hours.
 
 

HERALD 1

The Countess and the Baroness from lands of grape and prune;
 
 

HERALD 2

The friar from St. Francis comes, let's greet him with a tune.
 
 

LORD OF THE MANOR

Minstrels come and raise your voices!
To hear you sing, our manor rejoices!

[The Choir performs.]
 
 

BARONNESS

Listen, my friends, to the Carolers who sing outside our door!
Open the gates and let them in so we can hear some more!

[The third grade Carolers perform.]
 
 

COUNTESS

[Rises, moves toward the PUDDING.]

I must confess those lovely songs give me an appetite!

[Uncovers the pudding.]
 
 

BARONNESS

The pudding looks so scrumptious, dears, should we just have a bite?

[The PUDDING begins to quake as the guests creep toward it.]
 
 

DUCHESS

My dearest Baroness, you're right!  It's such a tempting treat!
 
 

DUKE

We'll start our feast with Pudding ? Yes! ? That's perfect! 
 
 

FRIAR

Now, LET'S EAT!
 
 

SCENE FIVE:  THE GREAT HALL

HERALD 1

[Blows a trumpet fanfare, interrupting the guests - move toward the pudding.]

The Knights approach!

[The three KNIGHTS enter and stand at attention; the BRAVE 
KNIGHT enters between them.]
 
 

COUNTESS

[Tearing her gaze away from the PUDDING.]

Over great golden hills, through green valleys and glades 
brave stories have traveled and proudly are told...
 
 

BARONESS

...how knights on their quests have earned valor and praise for their deeds of compassion,
their deeds of pure gold.
 
 

DUKE

How good it is to hear of such honor, to know that civility still rules the land.
 
 

DUCHESS

Welcome, o Knights, noble in bearing, for your steadfast kind deeds we give you our hand.

[The BRAVE KNIGHT steps forward and kisses the Duchess'hand.]
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

I thank you, fair ladies and most noble lords.
Now sit and enjoy the brave dance of the swords!

[GUESTS return to seats; fifth grade performs the sword dance.]
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

My Lord and my Lady, I have such a tale
Of daring and doing and manly travail ?
The Dragon, I've chased him, since I was a pup
And now I have learned what will make him give up!

He's scorched many villages, chickens and all,
And thundered and towered o'er folks great and small,
But now I've discovered his dark heart';s delight.
With your help I will catch him and tame him, tonight!
 
 

THE KNIGHTS

[In unison, like a Chorus, they repeat:]

With your help we will catch him and tame him tonight!
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

[The BRAVE KNIGHT starts as the other KNIGHTS repeat his words.]

Just give him a Pudding and he'll be all right!
 
 

THE KNIGHTS

Hand over the Pudding and call it a night!
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

[A bit flustered by the KNIGHTS' loss of control.]

Right!
 
 

LADY OF THE MANOR

[Gazing longingly at the PUDDING, holding back her tears.]

Brave knights, we do thank you for doing your job
But what you request makes me just want to sob!
Is there no other gift than the Pudding we crave
to give to your Dragon and make him behave?
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

[With pretended sadness, shaking his head.]

Alas, my dear Lady; he's told us his bidding -

  [Suddenly eager.]

So without more ado, we'll be taking the Pudding!
 
 

THE KNIGHTS

We've got nothing to do, so we'll just eat the Pudding!

 [The KNIGHTS whip out spoons as if they were swords and 
advance on the pudding.  The KNIGHTS seize the PUDDING, 
who struggles a bit, and begin to march it out the door.]
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

Right, then.
 
 

LORD OF THE MANOR

Very well.
 
 

THE GUESTS

Very well.
 
 

THE DRAGON

[Bursting in and coming face to face with the fleeing KNIGHTS 
and the PUDDING:]

Well, well, WELL!
 

DRAGON [Continued]

I see that these Knights are attempting to steal
The Pudding I want, and to make it their meal!

 [The KNIGHTS scramble to hide their spoons.]

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!  It's MINE!  And I'm bigger than you!


 
 

LADY OF THE MANOR

[To the BRAVE KNIGHT.]

What!  Stealing the Pudding?  Oh, say it's not true!
 
 

BRAVE KNIGHT

[To the DRAGON.]

D-d-dragon!  Oh, goodness.  We really intended to bring you this Pudding.  Please don't be offended!
 
 

DRAGON

Your sentiments, Knight, hold no interest for me.
I'll just take that Pudding, and good night to thee!
 

[The DRAGON seizes the PUDDING, who struggles weakly, and exits.  The BRAVE KNIGHT and KNIGHTS exit in pursuit.]

[The GUESTS begin to sniffle and then to openly weep.]

[The JESTER enters, takes a look around, then moves to center stage.]
 
 

JESTER

Cheer up, my friends!  See all the treats remaining in this hall!

Let's have the Jesters' tricks to bring you laughter, one and all.

[The second grade "Jesters" perform.]

[The GUESTS are cheered considerably by the Jesters and begin to talk and laugh.  Just then, loud sobbing is heard outside the door.]
 

LORD OF THE MANOR

Who's there?
 
 

DRAGON

 [Enters in a fit of weeping.]

My pudding's gone!  Escaped!  It ran away to tease me!
 
 

LADY OF THE MANOR

[Trying to comfort the DRAGON.]

There, there, dear Dragon. 

[She cautiously pets the Dragon's head.]

Don't be sad.
 


JESTER

The pipes are sure to please thee!

[The fourth grade pipers play "Good King Wenceslaus."]
 
 

SCENE SIX:  THE GREAT HALL



[HERALD 1 enters and plays a fanfare.]
 


LORD OF THE MANOR

NOW what?
 


HERALD 1

My Lord!  The KING is here!
 


LADY OF THE MANOR

The King!  What shall we do?
 


KING

[The KNIGHTS enter with the PUDDING under guard.  All of 
the GUESTS bow to the KING.]

We found this Pudding on the road.  Does it belong to you?
 


ALL

The Pudding's back!
 


BRAVE KNIGHT

Your Majesty, we gave it quite a chase!
 


KING

Tell us, you impudent dessert, why we should show you grace!
 


PUDDING

You can't imagine what it';s like just waiting to be eaten
And knowing if you try to run, you surely will be beaten!

My lords and ladies, nobles all, my status don't compare,
But since I've nothing more to lose, I'll tell you - it's not FAIR!

There's children in the village, folks, who never get a treat.
You rich folks feast and frolic while them poor kids hardly eat!

Do with me what you will, but I must beg you to remember
There';s people in the village going hungry this December!
 


BRAVE KNIGHT

This Pudding is a traitor, sir.  It whines and then it hollers.
 


KING

The problem warrants careful thought.  Let us consult a scholar.

[The WIZARD enters.]
 


WIZARD

As a Scholar and a Wizard, I know secrets I can tell:
This pudding was the victim of a naughty Faery spell.

[Everyone gasps; the Pudding looks amazed.]

To counteract this mischief, I will change the recipe.
You conscientious Pudding, listen carefully to me.

As long as you are generous and feed each hungry soul,
Then like a cup that's ever full, you shall be always whole.
 


PUDDING

Wow, thank you, Wizard!  This is great!  I'll just go into townand feed the children there, then I'll be back to party down!

[The PUDDING gives the WIZARD a high-five.]
 

JESTER

The feast!  The feast!  Let feasting now begin!
Toast your glasses high, friends, as the food is now brought in!

[All school sings "The Boar's Head"]
 

JESTER

Oh, lift your spirits up, my friends!  Think ye of joy so sweet,
And match the grace and lightness of our Dancers' nimble feet!

[The Dancers perform.]

JESTER

What revelry, what tastes!  What sights!  What smells!  What goodly cheer!

Now let us have some songs, my friends - enchant our list'ning ear!

[All school sings songs.]

[Mistress Hearth and Mistress Rimer enter on opposite sides and 
address the audience.]
 

MISTRESS HEARTH

Now join the voices in the hall!
 

MISTRESS RIMER

Sing with us and be merry, all!

[Everyone sings, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," 
remembering to include the "figgy pudding" verse!]

[As if responding to the audience's call for a figgy pudding, the PUDDING enters with happy little children clinging to it and licking their fingers.  They come to center stage.]
 

PUDDING

I've learned me a lesson from all this to-do.
The more that you give, the more comes back to you.

May your hearts be filled up with the season's good cheer!
 

THE PUDDING AND THE LITTLE CHILDREN

Happy holidays, folks, and a Happy New Year!

[End.]


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